An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her chair. He spoke softly to her, “Honey, can you hear me?” There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still, there was no response. Finally, he moved right behind her and said, “Honey, can you hear me?”
She replied, “for the third time, yes!”

Little Boy: “Father I heard you once say that we all came from dust”
Parish priest: “That’s right I did say that”.
Little boy: And Father I heard you say that when we die we go back to dust.”
Parish Priest: “That’s right I did say that, I am glad you were listening so very well”.
Little Boy: “Well Father I think you should come to my place and look under my bed because someone is either coming or going”!

How many librarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Just six. One gets ready to change the light bulb while the other five form a review committee and write a letter of protest to the Dean, because, changing light bulbs is NOT professional work

Mike and John were hiking buddies and on this one day in the woods Mike is bitten on the rear end by a huge rattlesnake. Ok, John says “I’ll run to town for a doctor.” John runs as fast as he can for 10 miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is busy delivering a baby. John says “My buddy’s been bit by a rattle snake in the woods and needs urgent help right away!” Doc says “I can’t leave now, I’m busy!” “But here’s what you can do. Take a pocket knife, cut a little ‘x’ where the bite is, suck out all the poison and then spit it on the ground.” John runs all the way back to his friend, who is in agony. In extreme pain, Mike screams “Well what did the doctor say?” “He says you’re gonna die.”…answers John

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, with his thumb
over the meat as he is carrying the plate.

“Are you crazy?” complained the customer, “you have your thumb on my
steak!”

“What,” answers the waiter, “you want it to fall on the floor
again?”