A monkey walks into a bar, and he slaps his hands on the bar table. A bartender walks over and asks “what can i get you?”. The monkey says “got any bananas?” and the bartender says “no we only sell alcoholic drinks” then walks away. 5 minutes later the monkey slaps his hands on the bar table. The bartender walks over and asks “what now?” Monkey says “got any bananas?”. The bartender says “ask me that 1 more time and your lips get nailed into this table”. He walks away. 5 minutes later the monkey slaps his hands on the table, and the bartender walks over and irritably says “what do you want now?”. The monkey asks “got any nails and a hammer?” and the bartender says “no”. Monkey asks “well you got any bananas?”.
“Telling A Joke To A Blonde”
A blind man goes to a bartender for some drinks. He orders a drink for himself and as soon as he gets he asks the bartender “Do you wanna hear some really funny blonde jokes man?” The bartender quickly turning to him said in a low tone, look if you wanna tell a blonde joke you have to keep five thinks in mind i.e. First – I am a blonde myself and I am having a black belt in karate, Second - the girl working with me is a blonde too and she always keeps a baseball bat, Third - the lady sitting next to you is double as fat as you and is a weight lifter, Fourth – The bouncer standing at the door is a blonde herself and Fifth – The lady sitting at the right side of you is a blonde wrestler. Now say! You still wanna tell a really funny blonde joke?” The blind man thinking for a while says “Not at all, If I have to explain the same bloody joke for five fucking time.” Lol!
There is this guy who goes upto the bartender and bets him that “I bet I could piss on the cup from across the room.” The bartender thinking him nuts and finding this bet next to impossible laughs at him and bets him $100 if he could do that. The guys goes to the other room and pulls down his pants pissing all over the room in the bar, from the bartender to his customer unable to drop even a single drop in the cup. The bartender laughing at him says “You lost your bet buddy give me my $100.” So he gives him and goes back to his friends on the pool table laughing and laughing uncontrollably. Bartender finding it confusing and almost half puzzled goes to him and asks “Why you laughing you just lost your $100 bet ?” To which the guy replies “Yeah, I did but you see my friends on the pool table?” The bartender says “Yes!” “I had a bet of $1000 with them that I would piss allover your bar and you and you will still be laughing on it.” tells the guy. LOL!
There is this really hot woman who goes up to a bartender giving him some really seductive gestures. She signals the bartender to bring his face closer to hers. He does so and then she ask “Are you the manager of this bar?” the bartender politely replies “No, Mam”. The woman rolling her fingers on the bartender’s face and playing with his hairs tells him “I need to talk to the manager, Can you bring him to me?” The bartender gently tell her that “It’s not possible Mam, but you can tell me what’s the matter.” The woman gently popping her finger into the bartender’s mouth and allowing him to suck, tells him that “there’s a message I want you to give it to the manager.” and brings his face more closer to hers while the bartender is continuously gently sucking her fingers and she continues saying ” I want you to deliver this message that there is no toilet paper and a hand soap in the woman’s room, So if he could arrange them there.”